As a teacher, the week before Thanksgiving break is always hectic. As a band director, it’s even more hectic. With football games winding down, you’d think things were going to slow down. Um…. WRONG! We are moving to “sit down” band and competition season begins. Chair tests are given, majorettes attend their big twirling event, and three months of individual competitions begins with orchestra tryouts. In the middle of it all, there is a concert to prepare for because the community expects it, solos to hand out, ensembles to form and the list just goes on and on and on. And that’s just for work! I haven’t even gotten to the personal calendar yet, or the social calendar, or even the “can you play / sing for this event” calendar. To say the very least, it’s incredibly easy to get lost and overwhelmed by all the “things”.

Tonight, I found myself alone in my little apartment and even with a podcast playing, I found myself very distracted. Honestly, it wasn’t the never-ending to do list that had me deep in thought. Instead, I was thinking about the sermon from Sunday. The pastor was speaking on forgiveness and I realized I had been harboring some unhealthy feelings for the last year or so. It’s not healthy to hold on to those things. We have to let them go.

In Matthew, chapter 6, the disciples ask the Lord to teach them how to pray. Jesus offers some advice on how to approach prayer and then dives deep into a prayer that is recited in church services and personal prayers all around the world. Verse 12 is where I felt convicted. “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us”. In the sermon on Sunday, the pastor was using the text of the unrepentant servant from Matthew 18. In it, there was a servant that was brought before the king because he owed a very large debt. He pled with the king and the king forgave his debt. He then turned around and found a guy that owed a debt to him, but it was significantly smaller than the one he was just forgiven. He was not as generous as the king and threw the man into debtors prison until he could “pay what he owed”. The king, of course, was furious at the man and in the end, the man ended up as a slave. The moral of the story…… if you don’t forgive, you become a slave to those emotions. The only way to live a life of freedom that Christ calls us to is to forgive.

As I sat here and mulled that, I realized that while this last year has been anything but easy, we have been provided for. All the bills have been paid. Car repairs and unexpected expenses covered. We have not missed a meal, even when the bank account suggested we should or would. The Lord has provided. I believe that my husband was faithful when he stepped out last year. I believe that God has set us on a path to fulfill His ministerial purposes for our lives. We are called to be faithful to the path He has laid before us. I am grateful. I am thankful.

I am thankful that I have a home to live in. Was it an adjustment moving into 540 square feet? Yes. Was it hard figuring out how to not freeze to death in the winter and burn up in the summer? Finding the right insulation and units that would work with what we have? Yes. Do I wish my fridge were bigger? Yes. That there was better / different lighting? A yard for the dog? A dishwasher besides myself? A myriad of other things? Of course!

But I’m grateful. I have a roof over my head that is my own. I have the ability to store and prepare healthy meals for my loved ones. I can stay warm or cool as the case may be. I can truly say that the Lord has been my Shepherd and I want for nothing. A year later, I am finally able to say to the pain “I forgive you” and “I love you” and “God loves you” Whether the forgiveness is reciprocated or not is not the point. That’s not on me. I only control me. And even in that, I surrender the control to the Lord.

So this year, Thanksgiving looks different for me. Not in terms of food or family, but in terms of how thankful I am to know that I walk with a living, risen Savior who truly does love me. Even in my sin. Even in my despair. Even in my pain. God is always there.

God is there for you, too. He is there waiting for you to turn and ask Him to be part of your life. It’s the easiest and hardest thing to do. All you have to do is say “Lord, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please come be with me” and He will. Is it easy? No. Will life instantly get better? No. But He will walk with you. He will send people into your life to help you along the way. You’ll see Him in unexpected places and in unexplainable ways.

God is with you. We are not alone. Thanks be to God!